what others want from me vs what i actually want
god knows we need another thinkpiece on the woes of an eldest daughter, recovering people-pleaser
i don’t want to go viral. i know how to, something i’ve learned from the past three years of creating content for my personal social media accounts. i’ve since applied this skill in my career as a freelance social media manager in which i’ve grown an audience from 6,000 to ~200,000 followers in a year and created several video clips that garner upwards of 1 million views, for podcasts like Jake Johnson and Gareth Reynolds’ “We’re Here to Help,” (WHTH) and Rachel Bilson and Olivia Allen, “Broad Ideas.” from years of growing up online and observing social media trends and culture through a lens of critical thinking, i’ve developed an somewhat of an intuition for what would go viral. i know exactly what would need to post about if i wanted to make my own social media accounts go viral, so why am i opting out?
simple: because the content that others want from me is different than the content i actually want to create.
i know that i could easily create content about social media growth tips, video editing tutorials, advice on managing your workflow, etc.,—your typical run-of-the-mill social media manager content. these are topics that i often receive questions about and i truly love answering them, both online and in-person! however, i don’t find joy in making posts about social media on social media. i feel almost MLM-esque, it’s as if i’m doubling my amount of work, and honestly, it’s just not fun. if i’m expending energy on creating, i’d rather it go towards something the future version of me would benefit from looking back on and feel proud of. educational content isn’t that for me.
i’ll admit: it’s not an easy thing to give up. in fact, it’s frustrating at times, knowing i have the power of virality at my fingertips but that i’m actively choosing not to act upon it. i can’t help but feel envy when i come across profiles of social media managers with hundreds of thousands of followers and brand deals and comment sections of adoring followers and i’d be lying if i said i didn’t want that. because i still do! but i’d rather do so with content that i feel energized by.
i can’t say with exact certainty that i know what that content is just yet, but i’m finding lots of fun in the process of figuring it out. but i hope that, in doing so, i’ll be attracting a community of others who feel aligned with me as i am and not as who the algorithm tells me to be.
last week, i set out a goal for myself to create something. just one thing. i’ve had a hard time creating lately so i wanted to give myself a low-pressure and achievable goal that would help to build my confidence and hopefully, build some momentum so that i can create with a voracity i had felt at the beginning of the year. and while i’d love to say that i met that goal with ease, i am disappointed to report that i did not.
i cried five times in the past week, i think. six times maybe. this past week has been rougher than usual and you can imagine that, as a result, it’s been difficult to allocate energy towards creating again. while i’m practicing what it means to stand firm in my decision to follow my heart when it comes to creating, i’ve come to an uncomfortable realization: this tug-of-war between what others want from me versus what i want pervades other aspects of my life too. i won’t get into too much detail beyond that, but i will say i am fairly well-equipped to handle these sorts of situations. i know what helps me during these times and i’m also very lucky to have loved ones who’ve been able to support me in the way i need. it’s just a hard pill to swallow.
it hasn’t been all bad! there have been glimmers of good times that have helped me take my mind off of those things:
i went bar-hopping with my friend michael!
sometimes i’m worried people can’t tell that i’m joking because it can often feel weird posting michael when we hang out solo like…god forbid a man and a woman be friends 🙄
i celebrated my cat-niece and cat-nephew at their birthday party!
youtube video to come (hopefully 🙏🏼—the edit is in progress but i just gotta follow through lol)
upcoming things i’m excited about
i’m starting with a new client! we’ve been in talks for a while and i’m super excited to get it solidified and hit the ground running. this person is super amazingly talented and funny and i’m very excited to share some of the work we do together!
i’m currently working on an application for a program that my wonderful friend izzy recommended i go for! she’s said it’s opened a lot of doors for her and i take her recommendations seriously—if she says the program is worth it, then i’m going to do what i can to get in
i’m visiting LA again soon! i’ve been overdue for my bimonthly LA trip and i’m stoked to go back because it means i get to see my LA friends again!
i’m going to new york next month (early may) to cat-sit for my bestie. i’ll be there for a week and, during my time there, i’m going to pretend that i live there so that i can manifest moving there someday. i’m making a very loose bucket list of things i want to do (including a day where i’ll be cosplaying as a final-boss new york influencer 😫) but if you have any recommendations or would like to hang, please let me know!
anyway i spent way more time on this than i thought i was going to but alas…hope you enjoyed!